It’s my soul path to teach about the world of energy.
Storytime. A bit dramatic but I lived to tell it.
Because it saved my life.
I had everything I needed, but
I did not want to live.
No one could have known (except maybe, the healers and the empaths).
I didn’t even know. I wasn’t “pretending” to be happy.
Life was so active and sunshiney that it wouldn’t have occurred to any of us beautiful little human beings just trying our best to keep our heads above water, that something wasn’t right.
The idea of depression was not on the radar. I was not thinking about how I could get out of here.
I’m talking about high school and college, and all the years before that.
I was a star athlete, a state champion in two sports in high school.
Sure, it was only high school, but everyone was making a big deal out of it, and thinking of it now, I’m very grateful and proud to have that experience. But back then, I didn’t really care.
Swimming and rowing. I was the fastest woman swimmer in the state! And fastest women’s double in rowing. Yay for me.
I grew up in a beautiful house by the beach, with loving supportive parents. I did well in school and went off to a top university in the country, UC Berkeley.
The expression on my face and my life looked pretty good—-my face was smiling, I went to all the dances. I traveled the world… I participated in life, was functional, and had good friends.
As far as I knew, I “felt” good. I had no apparent reason not to be.
Depression is not the word for it, but I think its all we have in conventional medicine.
I wasn’t aware at the time, but when I think about the first half of my life, just beneath the surface of life’s activities, there was a deep black hole in my chest and body.
It feels both like an emptiness, and like a heavy rock that wants to cry… cry so hard that I would disappear into the infinite dark void if I let it crack open.
The only hint of this black iron mass in my chest was that I would amusingly and cynically question to myself, what is the point of all this “hard work” of life?
Why make my bed if I’m just going to get in it again?
Why does the hawk have to spend the entire day getting food for her young?
It was my little joke, these questions.
But inside, a part of me was seriously wanting to know the answer.
It turns out that, all I needed was, to know that there’s more to life than just “this.”
That there’s a bigger picture. That there’s more to life than meets the eye, something that is actually important—because I honestly didn’t care about championships or success.
I was not a person of faith, nor was I able to cling onto romantic ideas in order to feel better. I was more the logical type, if you know what I mean. Plus, I didn’t even know there was a problem.
The light in my life was fluorescent lighting. I was living my life through my ego, a sort of clean, dominating, masochistic and mental approach to life.
The ego and depression are like a filter, that’s grey, sterile, dry, stiff, and lifeless—but you don’t realize that life is actually in technicolor ultra HD—even without drugs.
I’m not kidding you, I used to think I had to understand something for it to be true or real. I used to insist that things had to make sense.
So how did I come to know that there is more to life than “this?” Its not something a person can be counselled into. It needs to be experienced, on a first hand basis.
I came to know it through the world of energy, through witnessing and experiencing an infinite and dynamic interaction with it over and over in my own life, with my children, and in my acupuncture healing arts clinic of 17 years.
Through first hand experience, I came to realize that there is a high intelligent order in the atmosphere itself that responds instantly and compassionately to our minds and hearts.
I came to know, that we are supported by the source of life itself.
It’s my understanding that it is this subtle and profound experience that healed me and my clients over the years. It’s an experience that on the one hand is the most simple— being in your true nature—yet on the other hand, many of us go decades or a lifetime without ever experiencing.
Fortunately, it can be very quick access. After all, it is our true nature, and it is in the very atmosphere in which we live and breathe.
It doesn’t matter if the “this” is all good stuff— health, stability, loving family, sunshine—-or if its all bad—-hardship, struggle, trauma.
What I learned, through interacting with the world of energy and spirit, is that, as long as we’re connected to the greater mystery of life, then we have what we need to work the rest out.